The Festive Season is full of temptations, parties, drinking and festivities, so we have come up with a plan to ensure your clothes don’t miraculously shrink over Christmas. So sit back and enjoy!
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even the comatose ale-charged kebab-stuffed daft party hat and fake breast-wearing bloater spread eagle in the hallway.
No, me neither. I’m a healthy well-respected Fitness Professional and I don’t get myself into that kind of state (well, not for the past couple of Christmases anyway ;-)
MANAGE YOUR FESTIVE CHARGE
The yuletide festivities are fast approaching, which means only one thing. Actually, that’s ridiculous, of course. Christmas means many things, but if you believe in Santa like me, it means that if you hang your stocking by the hearth, next to the chimney and when you get up on Christmas morning it will be filled with all sorts of random “gifts” like chocolate, cd’s, underwear and socks.
It’s this bizarre yet predictable ritual on Christmas morning that I love. I never get what I asked for, instead I get a load of underwear, hankies and chocolate and while underwear is a little boring and predictable in the present stakes there’s always a place in my stomach for chocolate, even though it does make seem to make my clothes shrink!
There’s good reason for this. It’s called Positive Energy Balance (PEB).
If you’re at PEB, it means that the calories you’re putting into your body exceed the calories you’re burning up.
Strangely this does in fact shrink your clothes and sometimes if you’re at PEB for long enough over the Christmas period, the stairs in your house actually get steeper and longer and the air on the balcony gets thinner. It’s the most bizarre phenomenon.
The television grows too and becomes an extremely dominant force in your Christmassy life as you start to lose interest in most other things (sporty stuff in particular) and get rather frightened about going outside, especially to the places where there’s physical activity involved. Well I’m here to put a stop to this madness.
It doesn’t have to be like this, we can turn PEB into EB, which means Energy Balance so the calories you’re putting in equal the calories you’re burning up.That way you stay roughly the same weight.
I think achieving NEB (Negative Energy Balance) might be expecting too much?
I suggest that attempting to lose weight over Christmas is tantamount to insanity and could mean that you are a very sad person indeed. I realise you’re confused and scared, but I am genuinely here to help, so do please trust me, I know what I’m doing (well most of the time anyway). I shall now become serious and helpful…
BALANCE, BALANCE, BALANCE
Weight loss isn’t a sensible goal over Christmas. It simply isn’t realistic. What you should be seriously considering is damage limitation. How can you have a fabulous Christmas with no regrets, yet still emerge from it in one piece, perhaps a little scraped and bruised, but not broken and wheezing like an old set of bagpipes.
The answer is in JOLT Fitness’s five-stage Christmas Survival Guide.
Only read on if you’re serious about limiting the damage this Christmas. If you don’t take my tips seriously you’re likely to feel insulted, guilty and angry:
CLICK HERE to download the guide!
All of the staff here at JOLT Fitness hope you enjpy the guide and wish you a very safe and happy Christmas and New Year!!